I never thought I’d get so invested in a race between two snails. It should be really boring to me, but ever since the football ended I’ve been craving entertainment. When I turned the television on yesterday, I flicked to a random channel and found the Great Snail Race.

Figuring that I might as well give it a shot, I decided that I wanted the purple snail, Sleepy Jerry, to win. I don’t really like the green snail. I get some weird vibes from him. Anyway, that snail’s name is Danny the King.

What I find really strange is that a lot of people are really passionate about which of these super old snails wins. In fact, they are so old they could be literally classified as dinosaurs. Technically there are other snails in the race, but they never really got past the starting line. The fact that they put a wall in front of those snails probably didn’t help. But yeah, I’m invested in this race, but some people seem to have devoted their lives to a particular snail. One guy who was interviewed on the television said that he would be getting office interior design in the Melbourne CBD dedicated to Danny the King if he won the Great Snail Race.

That seems a bit excessive to me. It’s just a snail race. It’s not like the fate of the world depends on it or anything. I think we should all just calm down and enjoy the spectacle. I certainly won’t be letting the result dictate my office space design. Melbourne offices look fine to me. They certainly don’t need to become a shrine to some snail overseas.

This snail race is getting really tight, though. Sleepy Jerry got out to an early lead, but Danny the King has been catching up. For a long time, Danny was the hot favourite but now most people are predicting that Sleepy Jerry will win. I don’t really mind. I’m just watching it for some afternoon entertainment.