Paying Attention to the Renovations

Hawthorn bathroom renovationsI have no time for DIY. Both in the sense of physical, actual time, and the fact that I have no skill for it. All of my skills rest on the right side of my brain, and while they are extensive, it seems to have created a massive imbalance. In fact, it’s almost like ALL my brain is right, with no real left hemisphere to speak of.

It’s not, of course…because that would mean I have no logic and reason. But still, you get the point. All of my skills around the house have been eclipsed by my creative genius. Oh, the burden I bear, being so brilliant. I can’t even put up so much as a shower curtain before my mind gets distracted and I have to run downstairs to pen my ideas. I’ve needed my entire upper floor renovated for so long, yet it’s just something I never get around to. Except….well, now there’s water leaking through the floor and into the living room. I need to do something.

I suppose, this once, I’ll allow in some bathroom renovations. Contractors from Melbourne are bound to know some people I can trust; perhaps I should ask for recommendations from my friends. You see, I’m very particular about my space, even though I can do very little to change it. It is my sanctum. My muse chamber. A place where ideas are not made, but born. They come forth from my brain and seep into the very walls, creating a space wherein I can properly channel my genius into tangible form. When I DO host dinner parties, I can only invite others of my same calibre, else we go out to a restaurant or neutral space. I’ve cultivated the thought process here to the nth degree, thus having loud renovations going on in my bathroom will be murderous to the creative process. I just know it!

So that’s a task. Find someone around Melbourne, possibly Hawthorn, bathroom renovations are top notch there. Quiet, un-intrusive and efficient is what I’m looking for. This looks like a job for Visage-Tome.



Escaping that Melbourne Chill

Perth gas heatingSometimes my craft leads me to new and exotic places. So far, the most exotic of them has had me travelling to Albajeria to choreograph a dance sequence for the King’s coronation. I was part of a team of ten choreographers, and all of them were useless. I ended up doing most of it myself, but I did appreciate the prestige and the free trip, plus being put up in a hotel right next to the palace. One day I’ll return, when my workload isn’t quite so heavy, and perhaps explore that great nation a little bit more.

Now, I am off to Perth. I’m happy to escape the Melbourne winter for a while, and a window has opened up for a brief job designing a set for a Perth-based production. Apparently, they’re making a mockumentary on the subject of that Perth ducted heating service business that took place a few years ago. Honestly, I didn’t really keep up, but it was all to do with underground tunnels and plenty of lava, so they needed someone with a bit of style, flair, pizazz and experience to design the sets. Also, it’s including something to do with conveyancing? I’ll ask when I get there.. Fortunately, I have a few juicy industry connections that should come in very handy while I’m there. None on the actual heating service industry, but they mentioned consultants. Hopefully I can make a few while I’m there.

Speaking of which, I certainly hope it’s hot enough to count as a holiday. I will admit, I do like my heat, which doesn’t mesh well with the fact that I live in one of the coldest places in Australia. Oh, Melbourne just had to be the arts capital. I suppose that’s the effect of people not visiting the city for the beaches- it needed some claim to fame. I shiver through the winters, so I’m hoping that Perth will give me some respite. And perhaps even the hotel will have Perth’s best gas heating funnelled right into the room, so I can use it without fear of electricity bill consequences and be warm for the whole trip, day and night. Oh, there had better not be any freak cold weather incidents…



Make up artist wanted

Hey peeps,

tafe makeup coursesI’m looking for a makeup artist for my upcoming play. It’s an indie theatre production that we’re planning on putting on in an abandoned church. I’m recruiting mostly students as I can’t afford to pay you in cash, however you will be well-imbursed for your generous voluntary hours with invaluable work experience and of course, a magical experience that you can take away with you for the rest of your life.

So I’m calling out to all students who are taking make up courses near brisbane. Our play is a totally artist-run production free from the perversions of capitalist sponsorship which water-down the arts into something blandly palatable only to middle-class baby boomers or, as I like to call them, the zombie class. No, our play is pushing the limits, not just of social taboos and mores but also of creative expression. We’re all about transgressing into higher states of conscious creations, a spiritually-infused artistic, movement, you know?

I know this is a bit in depth for a classified blog post but I think it’s important that I explain the nature of the play so that we’re attracting the right crew for the job. So while this call out is for all pursuing beauty therapy tafe courses, it is not for sundry. We don’t want any wannabe or money-hungry panderers to mainstream arts, media or corporate interests, we want true artists committed to the cause of pure artistic expression, the creation of the new for the sake of love, life and the interests of the human race.

Anyone who is interested, please email me your portfolio of work. I’m looking for innovation, here, so I don’t want to see any wedding photos or pre-club selfies. Give me your best work. Give me the weird, the wild and the wonderful.

Only successful applicants will be contacted



My Lack of DIY Skills

drain clearing MelbourneI must admit, housing duties aren’t really my thing. I DID learn to change a plug, because it just seems like the most basic skills. Everyone always says things like ‘she can’t even change a plug!’ and ‘he’s so useless around the house, he won’t even change that plug’, so I went online and learned so I didn’t find myself in that circumstance. But truth is, I just don’t have time to tend to the house. Too many creative projects!

That’s why I still have a cleaner, a gardener and I mostly just call a maintenance person in when I need something done. It’s not that I can’t, as such, I just don’t have the free time. If my drain gets blocked- and it has, in the past- I can’t be spending time plugging away with a plunger. There are Melbourne companies that do drain cleaning to call upon, and all it takes is a quick phone call, after which I can get back to my own business. Simple as that. Of course, drain cleaning and clearing can affect my ability to work at home. All that gurgling and water gushing onto the floor. Though I do have various creative spaces to take to when the desire strikes me, I’ve set up my home to be the perfect sanctum of ingenuity. I simply can’t stand it when that space is violated, especially by something as mundane as a blocked drain. Oh, that’s a lovely rhyme…perhaps I can use that in my show.

But my point stands: I could only make the problem worse by tackling it myself, so I naturally defer to the experts. We’ve all been given different skills in life. I was gifted with the power to cause amazement and delight with my creativity and choreography skill. Others have found themselves called to the hands-on professions, the proud Melbourne professional drain replacement folks. In fact, they did a splendid and swift job last time I had a problem. I should creatively memorialise them, somehow…perhaps a character in my big show can have that job? I’ll see if I can fit it around the musical numbers.



Juggling Too Many Projects

Melbourne steel fabricatorsI can’t believe I’m saying this, but I might have to drop a project. If this keeps up, I’ll be working sixteen-hour-days, seven days a week, and I know for a fact that humans aren’t built for such things, at least when it’s not active show-time. As you may have read, that was something I learned the hard way. I left the hospital vowing to never destroy my body again in such a way, or at least find some more efficient way to sustain myself.

Well, here I am, sticking to my word. But what to drop? It simply CAN’T be the recent TV miniseries, in which I’m dealing with the on-set script alterations. It’s about a young troupe of steel fabricators, supplying Melbourne with steel but seeking a chance to prove themselves in some way that will really put their company on the map. That might sound like standard business, but it’s actually a clever modern tragicomedy that will see them fail with hilarious results. I can’t leave this one; it’s being sponsored by the government itself, to raise awareness of steel fabricators and the arduous conditions they face to bring us lintels and tubing and all sorts of wonderful pieces of construction we take for granted. Sure, it’s not exactly paying me very much- not as much as you’d expect, what with it being government sponsored- but I’m honoured to stand on set and point out what they should be saying, having the benefit of being able to watch them say it (unlike the writer).

No, I shan’t. But my show is imperative, also. I’ve poured too much effort into it to quit now. The satellite dish fight scene choreography? The whole thing would fall down if I left, seriously. Nobody knows what they’re doing. And the commercial series for bubblebath? …perhaps I’ll consider that one.

At least I know I’ll be educating Melbourne people on steel lintel production methods. For some reason, it just seems very important.



Jotting down names is a start

makeup courseI just love all the amazing different things you can do in Melbourne. You never run out of options, there are always choices galore. If you can think of something out there in the great wide world you want to do, whatever the activity, I promise you it either already goes on, or someone out there is think of a way to make it happen.

While I totally get that this can seem pretty overwhelming to some, for me it’s a blessing. I’m one of those people that always needs to be doing something, that always needs some new hobby under their sleeve, and I love that living here gives me the opportunity to dabble in pretty much everything. My latest obsession, I hear you ask? Makeup.

I know, I know, some out there among you may attach a stigma to this gendered art, but allow me to speak my piece. I don’t care what you say, painting someone else’s face is a heck of a lot of fun. It just is. In fact, I’m loving it so much at the moment that I am seriously considering doing a professional makeup course. Well, maybe not ‘seriously’ seriously, but I’m at least considering it as an option. Just a part of my quest to become the ultimate Jack of all trades, I guess. While doing something super fun at the same time. In that regard at least, I’d be killing two birds with one stone.

But at the same time, don’t take me even a little bit at my word. While I may not be signed up and ready for the semester to begin, I am considering it. I’ve had a bit of a look at the different makeup courses offered in Melbourne and have jotted down a couple of names. I’ve talked to a couple of different people about it. This is something I might really want to do, so why not pursue it?



Only Oxygen to Unwind

hyperbaric chamberUnwinding for me is never as simple as sinking onto a sofa and popping open a bottle of something alcoholic. No…alcohol ceased to have any effect on me after the disastrous events of the Wicked, Bro after-party, a retelling of the classic fantasy tale of two fraternity friends who learn magic and try to prove to each other that they’re the coolest and can get the most ‘chicks’. It ends after one pretends to run the other over with his car, after which he goes into hiding in another fraternity, but…it’s not important. Alcohol has ceased to work for me. I need something deeper.

At this stage I have two options: zen meditation and oxygen therapy. Melbourne is somewhat lacking in the appropriate professionals teaching the former, which means that I’ve had to travel all the way to the mountains to learn the true methods. Meanwhile, I’ve found some comfort in oxygen therapy, which is becoming more popular…or so I hope. When your imagination is as vivid as mine, and your thoughts as loud and frenetic, then sometimes all you can do is immerse yourself in an oxygen chamber, shut out the noise, drink in the rich atmosphere and resume your normal breathing. I’m seriously considering just purchasing my own and having it near me whenever I’m on the job, because sometimes performers can be frustrating people to work with. That’s a very kind and charitable way of putting it that doesn’t quite cut to the heart of my actual rage, but it’ll do for here. I become short of breath because my vision is not being played out, they refuse to work in the way that I wish…and sometimes, I feel the situation could easily be defused if I could just sneak away to a portable hyperbaric chambers. Melbourne should have them on every street corner! I feel that we would all get along so very much better. For now, I have to divide oxygen therapy with meditation…the greatest meditation method of all.



The light at the end of the tunnel

great ocean road

Okay so I’m not gonna lie everyone, I am procrastinating like a crazy person at the moment. Or rather, I’m procrastinating like a university student who’s neglected their study all semester in favour of having a good time – because that’s exactly who I am and what I’ve done. But seriously, can you blame me? I should be having the time of my life at the moment, so I am. But, at least for the moment, I have to give all that capacity for adventure up. Just for a couple of weeks while I study like I’ve drunk five double shot lattes, which, let’s be honest, I probably have. At the same time, though, I need something to get me through. A light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. And for me, that light is the conference I’m going to in July.

Okay okay I know. That sounds super boring and lame, but it’s not, I swear! It’s a series of talks for people who are thinking about dance teachers held by world class dancers and instructors alike. It’s an amazing opportunity and (and this is super cool) it’s held in Lorne! I’ve spent quite  a lot of time around the surf coast, but somehow I’ve never managed to make it all the way around the Great Ocean Road to Lorne. But this conference has managed to get the best venue for hire I’ve ever heard of in my life (seriously, who knew, right?) and the couple of days needed for the talks is, if I know myself at all, going to extend into a week of sun and surf. Uh, it’s just such a good idea to have conference venues all around Victoria, not just in the city. Who doesn’t love a weekend away, am I right?


Auditions, Even for Makeup Artists

makeup courses

When I’m putting on a show, I demand only the best from all involved. No surprise there! However, I usually go a step further, in that everyone must audition. The stagehands, the people working in the ticket office, the people selling popcorn and ice-creams…everything has to be the best of the best! Oh, I don’t care if one of the makeup artists is ill and your best friend did this amazing makeup and beauty therapy diploma in Brisbane, home of stellar makeup services. No sir. I don’t even care if it’s opening night; one weak link can bring the entire thing crumbling down!

Of course, that means I have to be completely fair and impartial. If I allow my abundant emotions to interfere with the process, then I will have failed both myself and the show. It even applies to non-shows, particularly where makeup is involved. One time I was called in to choreograph a fight scene between two Victorian gentlemen for a period pieces. The scene would be opening with them already engaged in combat, the noble-yet-forgotten art of Bartitsu. Naturally, I had to research. Not only did I have to nail the moves, I had to give great thought to the state of their being. Was one person winning? Given their level of skill, who would be more likely injured? And would the environment affect the level of makeup? Eventually I made detailed sketches of how I wanted their faces to appear- one with a gash on his cheek, the other smeared in a very distinctive pattern of mud- and gave it to our resident makeup artist so that there would be no confusion.

And then there WAS confusion, since unlike me, these people did not hold lengthy auditions. This girl had done no makeup artist courses, in Melbourne or otherwise. She botched the design and the men looked like they’d been wrestling pigs. See, this is why you need professionals!



Studio city

horse shed

Okay, so it’s taken a lot of work and a heck of a lot of convincing but I think I might finally have convinced my parents to get me a studio … of sorts. I’ve always been I guess what you could call a ‘creative-type’. I’ve more or less lived and breathed art since I was a child, and with a sculptor mum I was never short of inspiration. I’m serious, you should have seen the company she kept way back in the early nineties – it was crazy! A couple of her friends from those days all pitched in to buy a property a bit of a way out of Sydney, a kind of artists retreat I guess, but the house itself has been tiny and cluttered with artistic junk for years, so people, including my mum, all have their own studios and stuff built up there. Sheds, caravans, that kind of thing. And, for my twenty-first, mum convinced the official landowners up there to let me have a shed of my own. I find the city can get crazy crowded and I never have enough room to just spread out and express myself, so this is going to be awesome.

Not far from the property is this place that sells horse barns in Tamworth. It’s funny, I would never have even thought of going to Tamworth to look at sheds and barns and that type of thing, but it was in Tamworth that mum found the caravan she has on the property. There was a nice continuity to me going there too. So we looked at normal sheds and commercial sheds and even granny flats in Tamworth until I found something I liked the look of. It was perfect, with enough room to either paint or sculpt, dance or sew. Now I just can’t wait to use it.