Dogs! They say never to work with them! Well, Aubrey breaks ALL the rules. Cars on stage, flowers on stage, DOGS on stage! Of course, precautions will have to be taken. I’ll only use the greatest, most well-trained pooches, and the entire show wouldn’t be all about them because that’ll be silly. I’m thinking of making one of the tree fellers an avid dog lover, or perhaps an avid nature lover in general who happens to own a dog. I’d like to make it an important character trait, so there must be at least one scene where he arrived home and is greeted by his dogs, as people often are.

Only problem is, I know nothing about them. Dogs, cats, gerbils, frogs, owls, ferrets, aubergines, I really don’t have a clue how they function, mostly because of my allergies and the fact that mother would never let me have one due to a tragic incident where her eleventh birthday cake was ruined by an exuberant Doberman. I need dog walkers, Melbourne’s finest. They’re the ones who know all about keeping a dog in line! Well, them and a vet. I’d imagine they’re quite important to the process. But I really do need a dog walker who also loves theatre, because they could then walk the dog in between rehearsals and do whatever it is a dog needs to stay healthy and happy. They need to drink, of that I’m sure, and food and lots of love. See, I know very little.

They said it couldn’t be done, but I’m going to prove them wrong! Not that I’ve seen every show on Earth, but I’m fairly certain that it’s never, ever been done before, certainly not on this scale. Perhaps some actress has gone on stage holding one of those yappy toy dogs that can fit in a handbag, but I’m planning something grander. But I also know that caring for the animal is the key to a humane and enjoyable show…hence Melbourne’s dog walkers and their sage, sage counsel. Yes, we’ll soon be having…a barking good time!

Ooh, that’s good. I’m writing that down.

-Aubrey