Opening night is upon us. I feel sure that I’ve made every alteration possible, the script is perfect, my actors and dancers have been given just the appropriate amount of tough love that instils discipline but also respect, no one is injured, no one is ill, the sets have been painted to perfection, the crew is qualified and raring to go, the tickets have all been sold, the pre-show appetisers are laid out on silver trays…what else?
No, wait…they’re all printed.
I suppose that’s everything. It’s not like I’m responsible for everything, but as the director I like to keep an eye on the entire proceedings. I’ve heard of opening nights ruined by the tiniest details, like the toilets in the theatre blocking. Trust me, nothing ruins a pre-show gathering quite like having to call the Melbourne emergency plumbers to take care of the awful smells leaking from the powder room. You could even smell it after everyone had filed into the theatre. I was only a backup dancer at the time, but my heart well and truly went out to the director. His opening night- the performance the solidifies the future of his new play, the one that invites all the critics to give their opinions to the press- was ruined by a plumbing emergency. Well, maybe not ruined, because the performance was still exemplary, but certainly, one could say it was tainted. It certainly warranted a mention in the papers, which doesn’t do wonders for a director’s reputation.
Naturally, I learned from the experience and I now have emergency plumbers as a readily-available contact. I’ve personally tasted the appetizers, and there is no chance of food poisoning. I think I shall say that everything I control has been accounted for. Short of lightning striking the theatre, I think it shall go well.
Maybe. I really should call a few Melbourne plumbing companies, make sure they can get there quickly if needs be. Or what if they were there, standing guard…?